When someone we care about loses a loved one, we often want to say something comforting, but many of us still worry we’ll say the wrong thing. This uncertainty can leave people silent, avoiding the subject altogether, or feeling awkward around the bereaved. But your words, however simple, can bring great comfort.
At Denise Wellington Funeral Services, we’ve supported many families during times of loss. We know that while there’s no “perfect” thing to say, there are plenty of kind and thoughtful ways to show your support. This guide is here to help you find the right words and feel more confident in offering them.
Kind and Thoughtful Things You Can Say
You don’t need to find the perfect phrase, often, just acknowledging someone’s grief and showing that you care is enough. Here are some gentle, heartfelt things you might say:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
- “I’m thinking of you and your family.”
- “Please know that I’m here if you need anything.”
- “They were such a special person — I’ll always remember them.”
- “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, but I’m here to listen.”
These phrases are simple, sincere, and respectful. They don’t try to solve anything — they simply let the grieving person know they’re not alone.
Even if you don’t know the person who died very well, or didn’t know them at all, a kind word to the family still means a great deal. Saying something like “I didn’t know your dad, but I’ve heard so many lovely things about him,” can be very comforting.
If you’ll be attending the funeral and are wondering how best to express your support there, our Funeral Etiquette: Do’s and Don’ts for Guests blog post offers more detailed advice.
What Not to Say
Even with the best of intentions, some phrases can come across as dismissive or hurtful. These usually fall into one of two traps: trying to make sense of the loss or comparing grief.
Here are some examples to avoid:
- “They’re in a better place now.”
- “At least they lived a long life.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “Time heals all wounds.”
- “I know how you feel.”
Why can these phrases be difficult? Because they may unintentionally minimise the person’s grief. For example, “At least they’re not suffering anymore” might seem comforting, but to someone grieving, it can feel like their loss is being brushed aside.
It’s also best to avoid giving advice unless it’s asked for. Listening and being present is often far more helpful than trying to find answers.
Thoughtful Gestures That Say “I’m Here”
If you’re struggling to find the right words, a kind gesture can speak volumes. Here are some simple and meaningful ways to show support:
- Send a sympathy card – A handwritten note with just a few words can be deeply appreciated.
- Attend the funeral service – Your presence alone can be a huge comfort. Not sure what to expect? Our What Happens at a Funeral blog explains the typical order of service and what to expect on the day.
- Offer practical help – A home-cooked meal, a lift to the service, or help with childcare can relieve pressure in a time of grief.
- Be there later – Many people surround a grieving family in the first week, but it’s the weeks and months afterwards that can feel the loneliest. A message, visit, or phone call later on can be a powerful act of kindness.
- Send flowers or a small memorial gift – These thoughtful touches can help families feel supported and seen. For more ideas, visit our guide to Thoughtful Gestures & Funeral Flowers.
A Final Thought
Grief is a deeply personal experience, and there’s no script to follow. You don’t need to say anything profound — just being kind, gentle, and present is more than enough. Whether it’s a quiet word, a card, or a shared memory, your support can mean the world to someone who’s grieving.
At Denise Wellington Funeral Services, we’re always here to offer guidance, whether you’re arranging a funeral, attending one, or simply looking for ways to support a friend or loved one through a difficult time. Our door is always open for a chat, a question, or a cup of tea.
If you’re unsure about what to expect when attending a service, we also recommend reading:
- Funeral Etiquette: Do’s and Don’ts for Guests
- What Happens at a Funeral: A Guide for the Bereaved and Attendees
You are not alone and neither are those you care about.
