Funerals are emotional occasions, and if you’re attending one — especially for someone outside your immediate family — you might feel unsure about the correct funeral etiquette and what’s expected of you.
We often guide families and guests through these moments, and we believe a little preparation can go a long way in helping you feel comfortable and respectful on the day.
Here are some do’s and don’ts to keep in mind when you’re attending a funeral.
Arrive on Time
Plan to arrive 10–15 minutes before the service is due to begin. Arriving early shows respect and gives you time to settle quietly before proceedings start. If you do happen to arrive late, enter quietly and take a seat near the back to avoid disrupting the service.
Do: Dress Respectfully
While traditions have relaxed slightly in recent years, dark or neutral colours are still the most respectful choice. Choose modest, simple clothing that reflects the tone of the occasion — this isn’t the time for bold patterns or casual wear, unless the family has requested something different.
Read our guide on what to wear to a funeral to learn more.
Switch Off Your Mobile
It may seem obvious, but double-check that your phone is off or on silent mode before entering. The sound of a ringtone can be distressing and feel disrespectful during moments of reflection or eulogy.
Offer Gentle Words to the Family
If you feel comfortable, a simple “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “They will be dearly missed” is always appreciated. You don’t need to say much — often, your presence speaks volumes.
Sign the Condolence Book
Many services include a condolence or memory book. Take a moment to write your name and a short message. This creates a comforting record for the family to reflect on later.
Consider Sending Funeral Flowers
A tasteful floral tribute can be a lovely way to show respect. When in doubt, opt for traditional flowers like lilies, roses, or carnations.
However, don’t bring flowers to the service unless specifically invited to do so. It’s always worth checking with the family first to see if they would prefer donations to a chosen charity instead.
Read our guide to funeral flowers and offering your condolences.
Things to avoid
Funerals are deeply emotional and significant occasions, and while there’s no need to feel anxious, a little awareness goes a long way. Most guests attend with the best intentions, but it’s helpful to be mindful of certain behaviours that could unintentionally cause discomfort or distraction.
Here are a few things it’s best to avoid, so you can ensure your presence is supportive and respectful.
Don’t Take Photos During the Service
Unless you are part of the family and have been given express permission, avoid taking any photographs. Funerals are deeply personal, and privacy is paramount. Some families may choose to have a professional photographer, but this will be arranged with the funeral director beforehand.
Don’t Use Social Media
Sharing anything about the service, photos, or tributes on social media—especially during the funeral—can feel intrusive or inappropriate. Always wait and check that the family is comfortable with any public mention of the event.
Don’t Feel You Have to Say the ‘Right Thing’
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and during a funeral, emotions can be overwhelming for everyone involved. Many people feel pressure to find the “perfect words” to offer comfort, but the truth is — there’s no such thing.
What matters most is your sincerity, not your eloquence.
If you’re unsure what to say, that’s perfectly okay. A simple, heartfelt phrase like “I’m so sorry”, “I’m thinking of you”, or “They will be missed” can go a long way.
Try to avoid clichés like “They’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason”, as these can sometimes feel dismissive of the person’s pain, even if well-intentioned.
Remember, funerals are not about saying the perfect thing, they’re about showing support and respect. Simply being there, bearing witness to the life that was lived, and sharing in the collective remembrance is one of the most meaningful gestures you can make.
Final Thoughts
Funeral etiquette is really about one thing: respect. Respect for the person who has died, for their family, and for the atmosphere of remembrance.
Here at Denise Wellington Funeral Services, we are here to support every attendee — whether you’re family, friend, or neighbour — so that you feel confident, calm, and comfortable as you pay your respects.
